Thursday, February 25, 2010
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Then let us give thanks for true friends, strong woman, the adventure of a far away land and a good cup of joe...
( Sarah called this display, "The Minute Man's Garden" and as always no detail was spared.)
Every year the event coordinator's pick a theme. I think this was the display she did for 2008 show and I think if I remember correctly the theme was the Revolutionary War... It is then up to the participants to best represent the theme.
For this spectacular "Minuteman" display Sarah won 1st place, Best use of summer annuals and Best use of theme at the flower show.
(This is a close up view of "The Minuteman's Garden")
A Press Statement:
"The Sonoma County Fair Flower Show is the largest themed flower show in the U.S. and a stunning showcase of the region's best garden designers, both pro and amateur. The shows Flower Show Preview on Sunday, July 26, also generates funds for the Fair's Flower Show Scholarships"
So now you have met my friend Sarah and I've had a chance to remember to be grateful no matter what each day brings, the fact that I am so lucky to have strong women in my life, women such as Sarah, all of you, my baby girl and my Mitzi and her band of princess'... Women at the sidelines cheering me on, listening to me without judgement and loving me when I feel so broken, yes, I do indeed know how lucky I am... Thank you for your love.
Another dream room, all of this is totally a place for me to dream, to feel cozy and well kept. I can conjur up this feeling even just dreaming of having a room like this...I found it on a site called
"Where Kari Create".
I would like to leave you all with one last thought:
"Promise me you'll always remember. Your braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." -Christopher Robin to Pooh
(Such a lovely quote, and I believe worth remembering...)
Friday, February 19, 2010
And do you see this table...this is my dining room table, the legs the oval, the only difference is that mine is brown, a lovely wood grain. I'm not a big fan of stained furniture, but when we originally bought it AH refinished it, hours of hard labor, it was originally a yellowed vanilla color, almost like french country style, it had seen better days. AH did a beautiful job, it's one of his talents. I don't have the heart to tell him I'm tired of it and really I want to cut it in half and crackle and paint it an off white color... not right now, when we move back to our beloved Sonoma and into our own home. Tell me now though, don't you love the concept? As always, PK can be counted on for sure inspiration! "JOY"
I have to run, TGIF.... No really "thank you God for seeing me through another week!" I'm running for only ten more hours... ten more hours to freedom and two days off! You know I love you all! XO Keke
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
I missed my posting for "Something Good Monday." I was in bed and slept most of the weekend. Last week was challenging and exhausting so I'll forgive myself for the miss...hence this is "Too late Tuesday." I return to work today after having yesterday off for Presidents Day. Not looking forward to it. Friday left me depleted and frustrated. I think I left off with telling you that I was meeting with an independent investigator. That is six and a half hours of my life that I will not get back and a waste of time. The not so independent investigator, after all, how independent could she have been, she's collecting her paycheck from the company.... started out by explaining that she is just there to collect the facts...she collected very little...every time I would start to speak she would cut me off and say, "let's not start that tangent".
According to the Merriam Webster...
Tangent: diverging from an original purpose or course : irrelevant
I was so frustrated, she kept looking at her watch as if she had some place to be...I said several times, "if you have some place you need to be we can end this." Then there was the point she claimed to need to check her blackberry, I stepped out side for some fresh air, when I came back she was on a phone call, she continued talking for at least five minutes... At one point she disappeared into the HR office, I sat there for a few minutes, got up and went to the rest room and came back. The HR woman had told me she didn't want to know anything, that she was just a facilitator, yet the independent investigator seemed to bring up things during our conversation that she shouldn't have known, if she were indeed just a fact finder and completely bias.... I will be emailing her and asking her these questions that have rambled in my mind all weekend. I will also tell her that what she called a 'tangent' was NOT irrelevant and had she stopped interrupting me with what must be a favorite tag line she would have discovered that.... more later, I woke up late and must do a madhatter dash...the neck just doesn't want to release this morning so I have to push through anyway.
Before I go I wanted to share a cool site with you.... free images... so generous, and awesome!
Check out Heidi's site here: http://shabbychicpapirskatter.blogspot.com
Today I'm choosing to hang on to this verse...
Psalm 119:23 Though rulers sit together and slander me, your servant will meditate on your decrees.
Have a blessed and joyous day.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
I promise, I have never met Rick so I don't know how he came to draw this picture of me...none the less, here it is. It is an amazing likeness!
Thursday, February 11, 2010
The above pic is of baby Arabella at the wedding, oh how I love her. Keeping a watchful eye behind her is her mama holding her baby sister Ava Lea. The abandonment of children is something that we should try to remember and seek for ourselves. Her mama, 'Luchi' is very much child like herself, she holds so much innocence and although I think a lot of it is due to the culture in which she come from, her sencerity and innocence is still to be admired and I want to find my way to that. If you could speak with her for only a minute you would see exactly what I mean. Speaking with Luchi is an unexpected delight, a new joy found, it's almost restful for a lack of a better way to describe her, it is clear in spending time with her that there is no alterior motive, nothing she is seeking except being in the moment with you at that precise time. So refreshing. Even here, she is watching as Arabella is building sandcastles waiting for the wedding to start. Most mothers might yell at their child to get up, they might get dirty and all the other things we hear mothers say, but not Luchi, she is allowing Arabella to be in the moment, to be present exactly where she's at. I can't wait to see the person Arabella grows to be, to have a mother that offers such permission.
I am writing of children this morning because they are amazing and they have so much to teach us. I also have thoughts of babies in my head because they make me so happy, and I need to deflect. Things feel really, really hard right now. The independent investigator meeting tomorrow is weighing heavily on me. The facts and details swirling through my head, as well as the conversation with the Turkish neurologist yesterday. I did not find my miracle, I did not find even hope. She told me pointedly what no one else has been forthright to say. "You do not have Parkinson's, you do not have an autoimmune disorder, you only have Dystonia, there is no cure, only treatment. As long as your a working person you will have chronic pain, if you remain in a stressful work environment it will remain aggravated and you will continue to suffer greatly." She spoke very clearly very exact as those from another culture often do. She walked out of the room, I looked at baby girl and started to cry, I said to her, "So this is it, this is my life sentence." I tried to pull myself together, we walked to the car where AH was waiting, (he's decided he really can't take another doctors office, but he does want to be there to support me, so he sat in the car), I was trying to not cry, I tried to put this into perspective, I tried to remember Jules son Alex, it could be worse for me, I shouldn't be a cry baby... but all I kept thinking is this is a life sentence.
This morning I return to work, soulless has now been told I have made charges against her. I'm going to take a deep breath and face this strongly, I am going to pray all the way to work that God continues to cover me with feathers. I'm also going to grab a button to put in my pocket to remember 'Joy'. My friend Suzanne from 'Dystonia's Secret' posted a couple of days ago about the joy that making a button picture with her kindergartner had brought her, I smiled as I read her post, I knew exactly what she meant and wished that I had a room full of babies to play and glue buttons and to color with giant crayons. My button will remind me to find joy, not worrying about tomorrow, or even the next minute, that with abandonment I will not borrow trouble, I will hang on to my button and remember the joy and wisdom of the children.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
A form of autism where the child has fewer developmental delays. Often, people with Asperger's syndrome can communicate with great skill. Their repetitious behaviors may be more subtle. When they are younger, because they are so able, they are usually seen as simply "bratty" rather than having a diagnosable disorder. Because of this, people with Asperger's syndrome are often not diagnosed until they are between 4 and 8 years old.
My heart weeps for her. As much as I am angry about my Dystonia, I would rather have it a hundred times than to have my child sick. I know the brief description above probably doesn't even begin to touch the surface of the disorder...
Jules, I held you close before, but now your my hero... I can't even begin to imagine the strength and love that you embody. You are truly amazing, I will never be able to complain again with out thinking of you and then putting my complaint into perspective.
You all would have to know what a loving, giving, positive person that she is, and if you stop in to visit her, your screen will glow from the brightness, love and beauty that her site holds... And no, you would not know the challenges she faces every day... Could we start a prayer chain to circle the world? We could, would you all help me. Could we have a list, and pick a day and pass from one blog to another. Could we pray that this child would be healed, that all the children will be healed? I think I really want to do this, I'm going to give it more thought, but how mighty and awesome, the power of where two or more are gathered... As much as I want joy and goodness to one Monday circle the globe, I want this more....
I know I say this a lot, but it still doesn't seem often enough... I first started this blog as a sort of therapy for myself. I did not expect anyone to read it, I have always kept journals, and a blog seemed a way for me to not be so "old school"... I am old school, I pretty much think it's what gets me into so much trouble, it seems like sometimes, esp. in my hurting moments that if I evolved, adapt to some of the attitudes of the younger generation I wouldn't keep ending up in these hurtful situations... the younger generation seems to have no issue keeping for themselves, setting boundaries or saying no.... and if they can't keep a commitment, they just don't keep it. Like if they say, "Mom, will you take me to my friends for a few hours and then I'll call you when I need you to come get me so I can watch the 'Superbowl' with dad..." (which is what happened to poor disappointed AH on Sunday) and they decide it's more fun at their friends...they just don't come back. My man cub asked me to be his DD on Sunday, which was smart, and easier on me than worrying about him...he rode into town with his wife, spent about an hour at our house and asked if I could run him over to another party that he wanted to at least make an appearance at. It's only about ten minutes from our house so I was happy to do this...he didn't call, he didn't come back, he just had his wife pick him up at that house. AH shared his disappointment with me last night... while there was nothing good about them, he is pretty cute when he shares his sensitive feelings with me...you would have to see him...he said, "It really hurt my feelings that he said he was coming back and didn't..." I said, "I know, I'm sorry". AH; "My feelings wouldn't be quite so hurt if his friend wasn't such a low life", I said, "I know"... AH is right, this particular friend and I use that word loosely is a drunkard with the filthiest mouth...I think I told you about him before, (he's the one that man cub warned had better keep his manners at the wedding or his mom would slap his face...) I wondered at that time why he would keep such a friend if he had to issue that warning... I also wondered how bad he must be...I don't make a habit of slapping peoples faces, but man cub is right, while I have an issue in setting boundaries there are certain things that I would never tolerate... Look at me, I've digressed...the point was that most of the younger generation just don't feel tortured by things the way us old-timers do. But, to go back to where I started with this... I didn't expect to have so much love come to me, that people would not only read my blog but offer the love and support that you all do is a miracle to me... my writing has always just been a way of working things out in my head, and my life really is not that interesting and pretty much insignificant... but you bless me, every day, and I feel truly humbled and undeserving for the love that you give. It's not enough, but thank you, simply thank you...
Mad Hatter time....
My prayer today is for healing for all children, please God grant me this one thing...
P.S. I almost forgot to tell you that AH asked me to marry him again on Sunday. I told him I would have to think about it. This morning after visiting Jules page I've decided I have some conditions... I have to have the items on her current posting and the quote, the beautiful quote...
http://shabby-jules.blogspot.com/. And, one last thing, as much as I always wanted a spring/summer wedding...it may have to be on the same day, I already have a hard time remembering Dec. 30th, I know I couldn't possibly keep track of two! :)
Monday, February 8, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Tonight it was this scripture... isn't a beautiful promise?
Ten things that make me happy (not necessarily in order) :
AH, Baby Girl and My Man Child
All of YOU! ( I can not express how much your words of encouragement, whether left as a comment here, or posted in your wonderful blogs.)
A Childs Laughter
Sunshine and Rainbows
Jasmine growing out side my door
Knowing that God is real and he sends his Angels to watch over.
A full night of sleep
A Good Book
A pain free day
Watching flowers grow
Ok, I think that is more than 10, which gives me one more thing to be happy for... (the fact that I have so much that brings me happiness...)
Now for the 10 blogs:
Whew, that was a lot, and not in any particular order just to say I love you all, and as always so humbly grateful for you.
The kids finally got the pics of the wedding from the photographer. Here are just a few that I will treasure... Baby Girl and My Man Child.
My man child and I...that's what I get for blinking and then he was gone.
My Mitzi trying to help him get ready, how did she have time for that? We both literally only had ten minutes to jump into our clothes after the cake and the cape... I must have still been upstairs fussing into my hose.
And with that I must bid you all good night...it is very late and tomorrow is a very big day for me at work. It is finally time for me to make my voice heard...I hate to ask, I ask so much, but please say a little prayer for me...
Sleep Sweet my dear friends... XO Keke
Friday, February 5, 2010
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Waiting for their next move, praying the righteous prevail and hoping that the truth will find it's way to a discerning and righteous person that has the power to make this all stop. Mostly praying that it doesn't get any worse than it is, while knowing that it will most definitely get worse before it gets better. Truth is powerful, but only if it's brought to light...
Monday, February 1, 2010
William Shakespeare born, 26 April 1564; died 23 April 1616.
"All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players: they have their exits and their entrances; and one man in his time plays many parts, his acts being seven ages."
This week I could very well lose my livelihood. Along with my health insurance, and work that I've poured my heart and soul into for the last six years...I have made a choice to not trust the system, I have seen how it worked out for others, soulless and her HR "sister", as she always calls her, have dealt the devils hand so many times before as I bore witness. I remember feeling helpless, as if there were nothing I could do, I needed my job, I remember just thinking if I hung in there, I would find another position to transfer to out from underneath her evil grasp. It's funny, for lack of a better word, I probably need my job now more than ever, considering my medical position, and the fact that AH still hasn't found a job...but there is a resolve I feel, almost peace, as I said to the evil HR minion during the last interview for the alleged "investigation", I have no agenda, only that what I was about to say needed to be said. I had started January 1st with two words, "Joy" and "Reckoning" that's what I said 2010 would be.