Thursday, November 5, 2009

Who wouldn't love to find this rose shaped pat of butter on their table? Beside a basket full of warm rolls or muffins. Courtesy of "Sara's Sweet Surprise" blog, find button at the right, awesome inspiration on this site and I love the "where wish list are granted" underneath her blog title. Please do visit, you will love her site...why am I thinking about rose shaped butter pats? My brain is starting to shift into wedding mode...Don't know why I torture myself with such thoughts, I'm pretty much not a part of it, well except the showing up and $ part, I still can't help myself, I was born with a fertile and creative mind, even if this event was for someone else these visions would still come, and December 18th will be here before we know it. This Sunday is a shower / housewarming for baby boy and his fiance at their newly acquired home...hmmm, "keep it positive Keke" is what is circling in my head right now...let's just say, all is not as I had spent twenty three years of imagining when this time came for baby boy. Mostly everyday I have to remind myself, "this is not your wedding." That's not hard for me, of course it's not, what I did expect is to be a part of it, if even a small part...
And I don't mean as grunt labor...that's a harsh statement I know, but basically what has been asked and indicated.
Why is it that the "mother of the groom" takes a back seat? Even on wedding planning websites. I visited one that I wish I hadn't, but I had to in order to see the picture of the cake the bride would like since I am the one making it....on this site it was very clear what my place is expected to be in this wondrous event. It's a very short place that basically stated 4 items on the list.

"To do list"
1. Give the Groom money. (not joking it really did say that)
2. Buy a dress.
3. Host the rehearsal dinner.
4. Dance one dance with the groom.
And it really was listed in this order....

Why is it expected or assumed that this would be less important for me than the mother of the bride? Did I not give the same amount of love, care, time, energy and tears that one gives to a girl child? Hmmm...yes, I have some things in the attic to get straight, less it will be hard for me to attend everything with a smile on my face. Just seems a cruel tradition to me, of course, it could be changed with the grace of heart on the brides and brides family's part...All year leading up to this it has been a cruel back and forth of one day I'm included and then months would pass without inclusion...I was asked to go shopping for the dress' for the bride and attendants, I was thrilled and said let me know the day, next thing I know the dress' have been picked and bought, no one had said a word...I think, why did you ask in the first place? I think this is so strange...but, it is what it is...I thought I had accepted that being part of my son's wedding will not be true for me, but evidently not. I'm praying that this won't be indicative of what my relationship with my son will be for the rest of our life. It is only worsened by the fact that all the details that need attention just happen to be something that I am creatively excellent at and love to do... I know, I have to take the high road, I have to let it go... I love my son, that is all that matters, and I would do anything for him including swallowing my hurt heart. I do need to speak with him though, when these topics of details come up he tends to tell me little fibs because I know he doesn't want to hurt my feelings...but we are a truth telling family and I need to remind him of that. The truth hurts less than a fib revealed. Such as the party this Sunday that was supposed to be hosted by both of them...the conversation went something like, BB: We are hosting this party. Me: Ok, what do you want me to do? Do you want me to help you make invitations? BB: Sure, that would be great. Two days later I received an invitation to the party from the mother of the bride and the brides aunt and it clearly stated that it was being hosted by them and equally as bad it was one of those cheap 16 in a pack invitations that you buy at the dollar store. (Yes, I know that is shamefully shallow of me to say, but why would you do that when you could have something so much nicer, sweet memorabilia to put in the wedding scrape book?) Yes, I know, small stuff, let it go... but do you see what I mean about the back and forth. I feel like, don't ask if you don't mean it or have any intention of including me and if I ask if you want me to do something, don't say yes if you really mean no. Now your wondering the exact same thing I would wonder if reading...how good could your relationship with the bride be? Unfortunately because I am a truth speaker I will say not very good...but I will also say it has not been for lack of effort...BB used to make excuses for why she would sit frowningly at every holiday dinner or birthday or Friday night pizza movie night...it is a long list of things like, "she's not used to being around such a lively family, her family really dzon't speak much to each other when there together." Beyond my comprehension I would say, "well then, what do they do?" BB: "they just kind of sit there" So baby girl interjects: "mom, they really do, they just sit and don't really say anything, they're like zombies going through the motions." Still beyond my understanding...I would also get a number of other excuses like, "she has low self esteem," or "she's afraid you because all the other boyfriend's she's had, their mothers hated her and was mean to her." What? No I really don't get it, and it's honestly not my business...to a degree though right? "No, stop bargaining on this Keke, he's a grown man, if he's happy, he's happy..." yes funny farm conversations I have with myself inside my head... WWJD? Let it go...let it go...baby girl sees my invisable tears and will rapidly reassure me that we will have a grand time when her wedding event planning comes, and we have both agreed that we will not only include her grooms mother but we will let her know that she is an essential part that can not be left out of any detail. Sweet baby girl, so emotionally intelligent and aware...

Here is the picture of the cake the bride has chosen. She sent it to me in a email, described the details and said "what do you think." I emailed her back and said, "I think what ever you want is what I will make for you, I said I loved the idea of white chocolate shells it is a beach wedding, but we might want to change the ingredient for the sand." I asked her a couple of other questions about it, I haven't heard back from her since. So I'm left thinking, "did I offend her with my suggestion about the brown sugar?" It feels really awful to feel like you have to walk on eggshells around someone everytime you see them. Benefit of the doubt could say maybe she's just really busy. But, it has been a week and the wedding is only one month away, and yes, stop, I'm not going to go any further! The maker of this cake used brown sugar for the sand...I think the cake should taste as good as it looks and brown sugar on fondant just doesn't sound like it would taste good, but she doesn't want fondant, she wants butter cream, which is fine, but brown sugar, as much as I love it on my oatmeal doesn't seem like it would taste good on butter cream either? Baby boy must have felt me thinking about him. He just called me in the middle of my writing this too long blog... BB: "Hi mummer, how are you, I'm in Vegas playing golf right now, but I wanted to call and ask if you would make BLT's on a stick for the party and some of those bacon water chessnut wraps?" Spooky or not? I haven't talked to him since last week... I really do believe we are connected to our children by an invisible string that stays in place no matter how old they get. Now I'm out of time, good thing, way too long of post! Thanks for listening to my dribble... Have a blessed day. XO Keke

5 comments:

Terri said...

Will my friend is experiencing just the opposite of what is traditionally the mother of the Brides involvemnet...in her case the Grooms mother has taken over.

It just seems to me a sharing could take place...I guess that would involve a level of maturity on both sides. I feel bad for your list...Seems it sets the tone for how the family will be getting along...I maybe wrong and I hope I am.

Hurt feelings are just that...hurt feelings and really if asked would either mother would they want to do that to the other mother...again I'm hopeing the answer would be no..and yet here we are you with your situation and my friend with hers...both feeling left out of what should be a very joyous occasion.

So besides the behind the sceens going ons...I wish the happy couple a blessed wedding day and a lifetime of happiness as a married couple.

Tracy Suzanne said...

Oh' Dear Keke. It's never simple for us easy to get along types is it? You see some of the most awful MIL's get the sweetest DIL's and then others get stuck with, well interverted, no matter how hard you try DIL's.

The cake is beautiful. I just love it. Your like me you just care about every detail and you worry that no word means hurt feelings. Maybe she just hasn't been taught how to interract with people. I'm seeing a lot of this now a days. And as for good manners forget it.

I'm planning on emailing you a little later when I get a moment. Don't let this get you down, I know it's easier said then done. And don't, I repeat don't feel bad about the way you feel about all these things, I think most of us would feel the same way.

Thanks for keeping up with my craft a day. I love Christmas too. It would be fun to have a stocking swap. I really like the idea of mini stocking tree ornaments. I'll swap with you if no one else does. Last year I made some mini primitive ones and I made some big Shabby Cottage Chic ones and sold on ebay. I've got alot of the fabric now I need a lot of the time and energy which is in short supply.

Oh and I think American Husband sounds like a wonderful American to be grinning proud of! And I adore Merry Jane. I want a framed picture of that!

Try to have a fun weekend. I'm sending you my happiest thoughts, my most loving hugs, my deepest understanding (I can commiserate with you), and a prayer for you.

Love, Tracy :)

Bodecia Arietty said...

Hey Aunt Keke! How is everything going? I love the new blog design and am excited to hear about the wedding plans! I hope everything is going well for you and I love you bunches... Jessica

Patti said...

Hi~ It sounds like you have your hands full with wedding plans and all. Things never go like how we envision them, do they? I love the cake design- I can't believe you can make something like that! What talent! I do admire the bride's ability to tell you what she would like though. I wish I had been more like that when I got married 900 years ago-lol.

Jules of Whimsicalnotions blog said...

Hi Keke oh i am so with you on this one,but perhaps thats cause i am going to be mother of the groom four times and never mother of the bride (she sighs and it hurts her heart)
All this creativity inside me to be quashed by being mother of the groom sheesh.You are so right it isnt fair,all the time and love is the same.