You all keep the light for me to remember. You have my undying gratitude. I believe no matter how old we get we need strong and kind women to look to. Mentors, role models such as you all are. Do not underestimate the power of the smallest kindness or gesture of favor. You are all the examples of what women should be, it is hope for our future. Those of you, my friends who have baby girls are raising more women to carry the light my friends who have baby boys are instructing them in what a woman should be, and hopefully our young men seek out such young women so the light continues. This is your legacy. It is unspeakable profoundness and rarity that I think is not seen or rarely recognized. Wouldn't it be awesome, at a time when every one has something to protest or 'movements' are by the dozen, to start our own? A movement of intention and light. We have powerful tools these days to be able to spread the word. If it only touched one or two lives it would be worth it, but we know it would go farther than that....These are the things I'm thinking of again. I told AH as strange as it sounds I'm actually starting to dream again, about my future, my vocation, my happiness. I can only describe it as waking from a dark haze, as if I'd been buried alive. I am digging and scratching my way through each layer of the earth. I am starting to see flashes of light and hope. My biggest fear has been losing my health care, as AH pointed out, what if I no longer need it when this is over? Going with the suspicion that I have had all along that my toxic workplace was what made me sick in the first place. We all underestimate the power and poison of stress, even though numerous scientist have documented the effects. How I lost my way in all of this I do not know... it was insidious, one evil random act that followed another, so small that I didn't realize what it was building. But that is what I was speaking of all along, we have become a nation where so much negative and nastiness is accepted The small acts that we encounter every day and then let go, the grocery store cashier that throws the produce that we just spent 10 min carefully picking out, the road rage driver honking and flipping you off because even though you were going the speed limit, it wasn't fast enough for them. The doctors receptionist who feels the need to spew her venom on you, (this one in particular I will never get, the medical profession used to be one of honor, of healing, of intention.) I'm thinking of the receptionist that I called out and she giggled and made the excuse that she is sometimes just that way. She stopped giggling when I suggested she find another profession. How many times do we encounter negative behavior in a days time and let it go. I say, don't let it go. As I always tell the children, you don't have to scream and name call to make your point. In fact the calling out is more powerful if you are calm and just state your facts. By the same token I always, always recognize those who I encounter and offer kindness and courtesy, which is bittersweet. The sweet part is the happiness you see wash over someones face when you recognize their effort, the sad part is the look of surprise, going back to above where I said it should be as a breath, the look of surprise tells me they aren't recognized enough.Today I am 'choosing' rebirth again. How many times are we as women reborn. It is the eternal optimist that soulless nor anyone else has the power to take from me. It is my birthright. It is the downy feathers that I claim and lay rest in. I am also claiming the meaning of my name. My name means 'warrior spirit'. As I believe that it is chosen by God, there is nothing insignificant. It is madhatter time for me again, I will go forth with the light and kindness that you have given, and rest in all the power of Heaven above. I will put on my armor and claim my birthright. Last week I couldn't imagine how I would get through this week.
This morning I am choosing to hang onto the fact that even the smallest creature is cared for as am I. Friday will come soon enough, and in all of the poison arrows, lies and evilness that tried to destroy me, soulless and her minions can not. I am claiming the thrown and will march on. I have made a decision about Friday's meeting, I will prepare for it. This too shall pass and I am actually filled with hope for the promise of new beginnings. I carry you all with me in my heart, thank you for sharing your strength and love. You are my something good, you are my 'Joy'!