Saturday, October 24, 2009

Sometimes I feel so far, far away from home. Sometimes I wonder where home is. I spent today as I said, cleaning, grocery shopping, praying. Mostly in contemplation. Wondering how I got here, to this very moment of space and time that I am now. It's now 11:00 p.m. It's been a very full day, but yet it felt so surreal, slow, like I was watching myself move through my day from outside of my body, this evening as I sit and write this post the feeling lingers ... I've missed Mitzi terribly today, I would call but it would be 2:00 a.m. for her. I miss Mitzi everyday and wished we lived closer, but I think especially today because I knew it was a tough day for her and her lovelies and much to my sadness & disappointment I couldn't be there with her. They said good-bye today to Mitzi's mother-in-law. Such a hard thing, and another reason for such solemn contemplation, reflecting on our life, past, present and future, flood gates open, memories of past and hopes for the future spilling to every corner of my mind like a picture show...

I stumbled across another lovely site tonight... "Crystal Neubauer, Art and Objects". It is truly lovely and so creative. She also has a way with the written word that makes you want to continue to read, loosing all relevance to time and space.

With the October 13th post she spoke of a guardian angel she felt had been sent, by the name of "Wendy". Her story reminded me again how sacred each day is and how sacred our relationships with other women are, and how badly we need them. I paused a moment in gratitude remembering all the "women" in my life, we must not be hasty in our remembrance of these jewels, I wouldn't be able breathe without them.
Baby girl, Mitzi, Amy, Katie, Stacey, Jessica, Oliva, and Emily the littlest woman of our bunch...Oh how I love them all so..., and it's not just our inner circles that deserve our's the friend at work who now works in another department but remembers to call and ask you for lunch even though you haven't worked side by side for years. It's the woman in your office that picks you up when your down, the one that has her mother sew you a neck wrap when you've just found out you have cervical dystonia, it's the mother who made the wrap even though I'd never met her, it's the one that brings you flowers for your desk for no reason at all. It's the women who read our disappointment and reach out to us even though they are a thousand miles or more away and has never even met you. Or the old woman who tried to teach me to knit even though her hands were bent back to her wrist from arthritis...over and over she tried to show me, the greatest gift I had ever received, this longing by the old woman to teach me and the frustration and angst on her face from the pain , did I ever tell you all this story from when I was just a young women? Beautiful Women...sacred, almost mythical creatures, care takers and lovers, our spiritual guides.

I remember when I was a little girl being fascinated with women, especially groups of women. I could sit and watch and listen for hours. Even then I can remember feeling as if I were witnessing something sacred.

And again as a young mother, watching my daughter in awe...she would come to the kitchen and put on her little apron and partake of the work without ever have been asked, as if this sacred little being knew exactly what to do, what was this within that had called to her, care taking inherent in her, even to this day.

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Beautiful, beautiful women, you have my heart and I will forver carry you with fondness within my chest...


Tracy Suzanne said...

Hey Keke. Sounds like it's been a very meditative day for you. You wonderful writing has me thinking about all the women in my life. They faces swirling in my mind. It's so good to remember these ladies I have seen since childhood. Thank you!

Hugs and know I'm thinking of you,

Crystal said...

Keke this post is such a tribute to the generous spirit of care-taking women everywhere. It has made me stop and count the many blessings I have had over the course of my life, and especially now, with so many special women in my life quietly encouraging me, cheering me, working side by side, hoping, dreaming, and praying with me. What a way you have of describing it and looking through contemplative eyes.
Thank-you so much for pointing your readers in the direction of my blog. This is one more way I know I am blessed by other women, women I have not even met, writing kind and encouraging words to me and about me. My guardian angel was my good friend Becky, and Wendy was a warm and friendly woman in my class, but the jist of the post was certainly that I am blessed to have had these women in my life.
Thank-you so much~