Friday, July 24, 2009

I can't believe it's been ten months...

I can't believe it's been ten months since my last blog. Although, shortly after my last post I got extremely ill and have been at war every since. Ten months, 12 doctors fired, one about to be fired and a wonderful neurologist at a wonderful clinic and I'm finally starting down the road to hopeful recovery. I know I must be, I've found my way to blog land again. I so love blog land, and all of it's citizens! So much love and generosity and sharing. It's like taking a vacation without leaving your house. DYSTONIA...I ask myself everyday, how could this happen to me? I once heard a CD by Pema Chodrin, she was discussing embracing difficult times. In it she said that if you are going through a troubled time that you can not see your way through, to pray, and pray that if you can't change your circumstance, then let your prayer be, "If I have to endure this, then let it be that I endure it so that no one else will have to." Such a beautiful thought, and prayer. I wasn't prepared for this thing called Dystonia, a rare neurological muscle disorder. I wasn't prepared for any of it. My neck twisting to unimaginable directions, the intense pain, physically, emotionally, psychologically...ten months of torturous hell. I gained 80 lbs, and not because I woke up one day and decided to lay on the sofa and eat chips and watch soap opera's. It was actually quite the opposite, which is why I can't figure out the weight gain. With my body twisting and contorting in ways you can't imagine, I carried on. It would take me two hours of heat and stretching and pills, just to get to a place where I could actually get up and move and get a shower and go to work.
Wouldn't you think that the effort required to do this would have burnt calories? No pictures today, but I will comment more tomorrow on this journey I have been on. For today, it just feels good to be back.

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