Monday, December 7, 2009

Sea Sick

The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind and a roller coaster. It's like being sea sick on a boat you can't get off. To all my dear blog land friends, thank you for your kind words and grateful for them as I seem to be having a spell of what ever can go wrong is going wrong...for those of you that have emailed, I'm sorry I can not reply, I think my yahoo has been jacked so I've been trying to leave you messages on your blogs as I can...

I've been pretty sick and with all that is going on I feel so overwhelmed. Unexpected request for the wedding coming up in 11 days. Unreasonable expectations and drama's to go along with it. My shots went pretty well today, if you can say that...American husband and baby girl went with me. American husband always comes to hold my hand, but this was a new one for baby girl. I asked her to take pics with my cell (ironically the only way I can download pics instantly, but I try not to since I'm sure it cost $ after so many gigs transferred) so I can chronicle my journey, she reluctantly managed to take a few but told me she mostly had to sit with her sunglasses on and eyes closed because she can't bear to watch me suffer. I tried to act like it was nothing, I don't like them to worry about me...really I just wanted to crawl into a little ball and disappear... but that is not possible really now is we carry on... (The other two people in this pic below besides the guy with the syringe in is hand, are what my new neurologist called "physical medicine doctors.". ? I need to google what that means...none the less, I was asked if they could observe to be trained. I said, "of course", how could I say no? What ever I can do to help to get the message out, and to have more doctors trained to help "dystonians..." We travel three hours one way for my treatments because there are so few doctors trained to help help us...)
In the lower corner of this pic you can see American husbands hand on mine, he usually sits directly in front of me so I can squeeze is hands during the shots, the new neurologist handed me stress balls and suggested I squeeze them instead, it actually worked better, I always feel bad after the treatment because I think I've broken American husbands hands, although he always says I didn't, still, so sweet, I don't think American husband liked it very much and when the first needle went in I felt his hand come to rest on top of mine... be still my heart... and this is why we carry on because life is worth living and it is worth fighting for and with all of the sorrows and pain there is also hope and love and kindness, such as you all give to me... My dear Mitzi had sent a package of lovely things that I received Saturday, I've told you she is an amazing artist and I will post pics later because I have to do that whole take the memory card to copy on disc before I can download on here...along with the lovelies she sent me a beautiful heat wrap like I've never seen before and it's filled with herbs that scent the air when it's heated...I've had it wrapped around me since I received it Saturday...thank you Mitzi, as always for the love and comfort and it's only 7 short days until your here and yet it seems forever... And then, after 6 hours spent in the car, (whose engine light decided to come on half way there and we have no idea what's wrong with it...) and then the shots of excruciating pain, we return home to find a large box on the door step..."What could it be..." I wasn't expecting anything... American husband bends to pick it up and reads the return address... It's from "Patti"... I said, "It can't be, the box is too big, we're just swapping cabinet cards!" And this is the love sent around the world and the hope and the kindness that makes you keep living and fighting no matter what the challenge brings...Patti left me speechless and so overwhelmed I could only cry, happy tears of course...but a river none the less, I had actually been holding them in since Mitzi's package on Saturday...and then I opened Patti's box and couldn't hold them any longer...Patty, like Mitzi had sent such beautiful things, but it wasn't the was the love that radiated out of the boxes the minute I opened them, that radiated out of every little item wrapped in tissue...unexpected kindness and generosity... to say thank you seems so not enough ... Patti had sent me a couple of messages asking if I had gotten the package, obviously I hadn't, that this pkg would come on such a difficult day, and that Mitzi's pkg would come exactly when I needed that wrap as the pain was starting to become intolerable even with the meds, would exactly be as I've always said, "Angels on my bumper," which is what baby girl told American husband on the way to our appt when the car started acting up, which made me smile, as that is what I've always said to them when something seemed unfixable...I will post pics as soon as I can but I really can't believe all the beautiful things you sent...and with this I must end, I'm exhausted from the boat ride...I will post more later...XO Keke
P.S To my swap partners...everything has been sent so watch your mailboxes...sorry for being a little tardy, it's really not like me and much to my chagrin...I hope you'll understand...


Jules of Whimsicalnotions blog said...

aww you poor poor cherub and you dare to apologize for a swap that may be late.I think you are wonderful and i hope you love what i made you .It is often in our darkest times that the thoughtfulness of friends is like a glimmer in the dark.A sprinkle of fairy dust that's what you need.Cause i can tell that you believe !Now im off to research Dystonia now i know its not a little village in Europe.(but a pain in the butt to a dear new friend 0f mine.

Patti said...

Oh Keke~ I am soo sorry for what you are going through- I rtuly can not even imagine. You are a brave, strong, spirit. Do NOT apologize for the swap being late- that is so not an issue- so there! And I am happy you liked the box of goodies- it was my pleasure to have you as a partner and now, friend. I hope you enjoy your "snowy" cabinet card and that it reminds you of MI in all it's snow-filled glory (which we are receiving at this very minute). Take care of yourself- I know so much is going on, but be good to yourself first!!!
Love, Patti

Suzanne Uvino said...

Ouch...I've been worried, I must confess. The support and love you have is so moving. Sending love and prayers. I haven't even been able to knit or I'd send you something too. I admire you for sharing your photos...I've been working on something like that too. It's time for me to "come out" and show my Dystonian self. Be well, Sue

Tracy Suzanne said...

Oh' Sweetie. Poor thing, I'm so sorry your suffering so. Putting the pics up really puts a face on all you go through. It just takes my breath away to think of the pain that you deal with. Honey, you're in my prayers and will continue to be. I've had you on my mind so much lately.

I don't think I've ever mentioned it to you before but do you know Debra's blog Common Ground? Well she is the so much like you just the sweetest angel. Anyway she started a new blog called A day in the life...of a woman after God's heart. It's a wonderful open bible study. I really think you'd like it and you would be so welcomed to join in. Please stop by and check it out. You can find it here:

I know I haven't keep in touch much but it doesn't mean your not on my mind.

And please (after multiple requests - LOL) send me your address. It is the holidays you know.

Please take care of yourself, rest and know I'll be here whenever you feel better.
Hugs, love and so many prayers....Tracy :)

Debra @ Common Ground said...

Hi KeKe, I just got a message from Tracy Suzanne, above at "Cotton Pickin Cute" and I came over to say Hello, and that I have read some of your posts. I'm praying for God's healing hand to be on you. I wanted you to know I'd love for you to come by the Bible Study. We would all love to have you there. I'm putting you on my prayer list on the side bar.
Hugs and Blessings,