Hello my friends, I know it's been far to long since I've last posted. Hopefully, I pray that all of you have been well and I want to thank all of you for your kind messages and emails during this difficult time. I hope to be talking to all of you soon on a more consistant basis.
XXOO Keke
Friday, July 9, 2010
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
A little Martha inspiration; just what the doctor ordered, besides Yoga...
Inspired by yet another yummy awakening...literally, I had nodded off on the couch with the television on and I awoke just in time to see Martha demonstrating this clutch with Robin Grawunder of Upstyle Designs. You can find her here: http://www.etsy.com/shop/Upstyle?section_id=5790712 Robin sells these little yum yums already made for you; or thank you 'Martha' and Robin, you can make your own per the instructions below or find the printable or sharable version here: http://www.marthastewart.com/article/fabric-clutch I can think of about at least fifteen or twenty of my favorite girls whom I would love to make these for as soon as I get my steam back! :)
I hope you have an inspired and blessed day...XOXO Keke
Fabric Clutch
Add a pop of color to any outfit with these simple-to-sew fabric clutches from Robin Grawunder. Include a personalized label on the bag's interior, if desired.
ClutchTools and Materials:
Decorative fabric for outside of clutch
Fabric for lining
Heavyweight fusible stabilizer
Fusible fleece
Rotary cutter
Grid ruler
Iron
Sewing machine
Coordinating machine-sewing thread
Transparent tape
Bond 527 Multi-Purpose Cement
Metal clutch frame hardware
Clutch How-To:
1. Cut 13-by-13 1/2-inch pieces from outer fabric, lining fabric, and heavyweight fusible stabilizer. Cut a 10 1/2-by-13-inch piece of fusible fleece. With an iron, fuse heavyweight stabilizer to wrong side of outer fabric, then fuse fleece to center of stabilized side of fabric.
2. With right sides of outer and lining fabrics together, sew 1/2-inch seams along both longer 13 1/2-inch edges.
3. Turn sewn pieces so right sides are facing out, and press seams flat.
4. Fold in half, matching seams at top, with lining on inside. Sew a 1/4-inch seam on outside raw edges, then trim seam allowances to 1/8 inch and snip in at the corners. Turn again, so outside fabric is on the inside. Sew 1/4-inch seam along edges, creating a finished French seam, then turn right side out.
5. Fold corners down; mark and sew a 2-inch gusset on each. Trim corner to 1/8 inch. Turn again so lining faces out; sew a 1/4-inch seam along gussets to finish seams. Turn right side out one last time.
6. Apply a bead of fabric glue to metal frame. Center over top seam, carefully insert fabric in metal frame, and secure in place with tape. Allow glue to set for several hours.
7. Remove tape, tuck outside corners behind frame, and snap closed.
Personalized Label:
Tools and Materials:
Computer with program for designing labels
Inkjet printer
Jacquard Inkjet printable silk
Iron
Steam-a-Seam double-sided fusible interfacing
Scissors or rotary cutter
Label How-To
1. Create labels in an 8 1/2-by-11-inch document using any program that generates images, words, letters, etc.
2. With an inkjet printer, print document on silk side of printable silk page. Let ink set for 15 minutes.
3. Carefully peel off paper backing from silk and discard. Place sheet on flat surface and gently reshape. Apply Steam-a-Seam double-sided fusible interfacing to wrong side of silk with a warm iron.
4. Cut labels from sheet. Peel off paper backing, and iron labels in place on handmade items.
ResourcesMetal clutch frame hardware and purse supply kits are available on Etsy.com. Jacquard Inkjet Sheets are available on Amazon. Steam-a-Seam is available from Warm Company.
I hope you have an inspired and blessed day...XOXO Keke
Fabric Clutch
Add a pop of color to any outfit with these simple-to-sew fabric clutches from Robin Grawunder. Include a personalized label on the bag's interior, if desired.
ClutchTools and Materials:
Decorative fabric for outside of clutch
Fabric for lining
Heavyweight fusible stabilizer
Fusible fleece
Rotary cutter
Grid ruler
Iron
Sewing machine
Coordinating machine-sewing thread
Transparent tape
Bond 527 Multi-Purpose Cement
Metal clutch frame hardware
Clutch How-To:
1. Cut 13-by-13 1/2-inch pieces from outer fabric, lining fabric, and heavyweight fusible stabilizer. Cut a 10 1/2-by-13-inch piece of fusible fleece. With an iron, fuse heavyweight stabilizer to wrong side of outer fabric, then fuse fleece to center of stabilized side of fabric.
2. With right sides of outer and lining fabrics together, sew 1/2-inch seams along both longer 13 1/2-inch edges.
3. Turn sewn pieces so right sides are facing out, and press seams flat.
4. Fold in half, matching seams at top, with lining on inside. Sew a 1/4-inch seam on outside raw edges, then trim seam allowances to 1/8 inch and snip in at the corners. Turn again, so outside fabric is on the inside. Sew 1/4-inch seam along edges, creating a finished French seam, then turn right side out.
5. Fold corners down; mark and sew a 2-inch gusset on each. Trim corner to 1/8 inch. Turn again so lining faces out; sew a 1/4-inch seam along gussets to finish seams. Turn right side out one last time.
6. Apply a bead of fabric glue to metal frame. Center over top seam, carefully insert fabric in metal frame, and secure in place with tape. Allow glue to set for several hours.
7. Remove tape, tuck outside corners behind frame, and snap closed.
Personalized Label:
Tools and Materials:
Computer with program for designing labels
Inkjet printer
Jacquard Inkjet printable silk
Iron
Steam-a-Seam double-sided fusible interfacing
Scissors or rotary cutter
Label How-To
1. Create labels in an 8 1/2-by-11-inch document using any program that generates images, words, letters, etc.
2. With an inkjet printer, print document on silk side of printable silk page. Let ink set for 15 minutes.
3. Carefully peel off paper backing from silk and discard. Place sheet on flat surface and gently reshape. Apply Steam-a-Seam double-sided fusible interfacing to wrong side of silk with a warm iron.
4. Cut labels from sheet. Peel off paper backing, and iron labels in place on handmade items.
ResourcesMetal clutch frame hardware and purse supply kits are available on Etsy.com. Jacquard Inkjet Sheets are available on Amazon. Steam-a-Seam is available from Warm Company.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Thursday, April 15, 2010
A Diliberate Life and Lucy Stone
Lucy Stone
I'm all over the place this morning, my thoughts racing to catch up to my intentions. The words from my rude lawyer still stinging from yesterdays conversation. The questions go unanswered, another woman in business that fails to attempt civility, grace, manners and any form of decent professionalism.
Friday's conversation left me with knowing that I would most likely need to fire her, she was supposed to have ready Tuesday the demands for my suffering, for the discrimination and harassment enacted upon me. Tuesday the phone call came that she would need more time. The point being that my concern is not her delivery of the demand letter as much as her dedication to my case, and trying to figure out if the 3.5 billion dollars behind my employer has brought about corruption as she is telling me things on Friday that lead me to that very question. Yesterday's phone call again left me with the same conclusion as Friday. 
Every conversation I have with this lawyer is as bad or worse than the one before, if we measured the time I have spoken with her it would be less than one minute, not to be confused with time spent in conversation with her which would be a generous approximate of 45 minutes, since handing her the currency required for her representation. AH and I both had reservations about keeping that appointment that day, we had both at different moments spoke out loud that maybe we should cancel and sleep on it some more. Hastily we did not listen to ourselves or each other and now it seems the plot has worsened by falling into the hands of a pettifogger.
Every conversation as the last, she'll ask a question and before I can return with the answer she will interrupt with an outburst repeating the same question. Honestly, I'm starting to think that she and soulless could be sisters. Friday's conversation; 'I believe you still owe me the chronology' I answered "I've already sent it". Response; "Oh". Well I believe you still owe me medical records". I answered, "I've already sent it". Response; "Oh". I told AH it was as if she were digging for a reason to justify her not delivering on the money I've given her. If she didn't know these documents had already been sent to her office, how well has she familiarized herself with my case? Furthermore, who might she think she be to respond to me with such an amount of arrogance, disrespect and shear blasphemy? She is who I allow her to be, shall I exercises my voice of intolerance for her ignorance, or shall I remain submissive and speak nothing of the unkind ignorance and allow her to remain attacking for the next that should come along? After all, I have no disillusion that I am but a victim of the world, I know that she comes to me of this nature because others before remained mute. Although surely we all must see the irony that she would suggest to represent against her own kind and that of all the representation listed on the masses of search engines, unknowingly I would find my way to her of all others. The voice whispers again the lesson that I must learn or the voice I must free. I will say again as I've said before, I am not sure where this path is leading me, in God's time and with his will... What I do know is I am the King's child and will no longer tolerate such abuse, the grace she has been allowed to this point is just that, 'grace' it should not be confused with weakness that I have shown respect in a professional manner. Old chains that bind, that howl and clank in our hearts and our souls as women, lest we be categorized with those such as these. I asked AH last night why don't I trust myself and listen to the voice that whispers don't listen to this, speak up, don't do that, don't go there? A womans intuition is perhaps the most powerful thing on earth... It's how we protect our children, our family, and our homes. How is it that we rarely use this tool to protect ourselves? How is it that we find ourselves in bondage by our very own sense of decency and respect for others although they show nothing of the same to us? How is it that we listen to others with regret or anger and somehow don't muster the courage to stand against it?
As a woman who's youth was framed by the woman's rights movement and all that it has brought, I question whether we are any further along. That's ridiculous, of course we are. I do however believe that women such as these, who like to mourn and cry out over the glass ceiling over a glass of wine and a gigantic sense of ego, are the very women who keep it in place, kept in place by their very actions, lack of manners, and ethics, their ability to contain their emotional outburst in everyday business practice, let alone the board room. As a woman I don't want to be subjected to their behavior, why would any one else? Soulless on several occasions mourned the glass ceiling and the venom she spewed from her teeth angered mine and your sense of intelligence. Would either know to breath the name of Elizabeth Cady Staton, would either know of the Declaration of Sentiments and Resolutions? Yet they dare spout for their own benefit, ignorance's not defined with only enough key words to hold the rest of us in bondage by their representation of the female form. I dare say that Lucy Stone would turn in her grave to know that her sacrifice and courage has been wasted on the likes of these, although surely there must have been likeness to these during her time in this place. Lucy did not waiver, she lived a deliberate life of purpose, and maybe, just maybe this is my lesson...
Walden - Chapter 2
I'm all over the place this morning, my thoughts racing to catch up to my intentions. The words from my rude lawyer still stinging from yesterdays conversation. The questions go unanswered, another woman in business that fails to attempt civility, grace, manners and any form of decent professionalism.
Friday's conversation left me with knowing that I would most likely need to fire her, she was supposed to have ready Tuesday the demands for my suffering, for the discrimination and harassment enacted upon me. Tuesday the phone call came that she would need more time. The point being that my concern is not her delivery of the demand letter as much as her dedication to my case, and trying to figure out if the 3.5 billion dollars behind my employer has brought about corruption as she is telling me things on Friday that lead me to that very question. Yesterday's phone call again left me with the same conclusion as Friday. Every conversation I have with this lawyer is as bad or worse than the one before, if we measured the time I have spoken with her it would be less than one minute, not to be confused with time spent in conversation with her which would be a generous approximate of 45 minutes, since handing her the currency required for her representation. AH and I both had reservations about keeping that appointment that day, we had both at different moments spoke out loud that maybe we should cancel and sleep on it some more. Hastily we did not listen to ourselves or each other and now it seems the plot has worsened by falling into the hands of a pettifogger.Every conversation as the last, she'll ask a question and before I can return with the answer she will interrupt with an outburst repeating the same question. Honestly, I'm starting to think that she and soulless could be sisters. Friday's conversation; 'I believe you still owe me the chronology' I answered "I've already sent it". Response; "Oh". Well I believe you still owe me medical records". I answered, "I've already sent it". Response; "Oh". I told AH it was as if she were digging for a reason to justify her not delivering on the money I've given her. If she didn't know these documents had already been sent to her office, how well has she familiarized herself with my case? Furthermore, who might she think she be to respond to me with such an amount of arrogance, disrespect and shear blasphemy? She is who I allow her to be, shall I exercises my voice of intolerance for her ignorance, or shall I remain submissive and speak nothing of the unkind ignorance and allow her to remain attacking for the next that should come along? After all, I have no disillusion that I am but a victim of the world, I know that she comes to me of this nature because others before remained mute. Although surely we all must see the irony that she would suggest to represent against her own kind and that of all the representation listed on the masses of search engines, unknowingly I would find my way to her of all others. The voice whispers again the lesson that I must learn or the voice I must free. I will say again as I've said before, I am not sure where this path is leading me, in God's time and with his will... What I do know is I am the King's child and will no longer tolerate such abuse, the grace she has been allowed to this point is just that, 'grace' it should not be confused with weakness that I have shown respect in a professional manner. Old chains that bind, that howl and clank in our hearts and our souls as women, lest we be categorized with those such as these. I asked AH last night why don't I trust myself and listen to the voice that whispers don't listen to this, speak up, don't do that, don't go there? A womans intuition is perhaps the most powerful thing on earth... It's how we protect our children, our family, and our homes. How is it that we rarely use this tool to protect ourselves? How is it that we find ourselves in bondage by our very own sense of decency and respect for others although they show nothing of the same to us? How is it that we listen to others with regret or anger and somehow don't muster the courage to stand against it? As a woman who's youth was framed by the woman's rights movement and all that it has brought, I question whether we are any further along. That's ridiculous, of course we are. I do however believe that women such as these, who like to mourn and cry out over the glass ceiling over a glass of wine and a gigantic sense of ego, are the very women who keep it in place, kept in place by their very actions, lack of manners, and ethics, their ability to contain their emotional outburst in everyday business practice, let alone the board room. As a woman I don't want to be subjected to their behavior, why would any one else? Soulless on several occasions mourned the glass ceiling and the venom she spewed from her teeth angered mine and your sense of intelligence. Would either know to breath the name of Elizabeth Cady Staton, would either know of the Declaration of Sentiments and Resolutions? Yet they dare spout for their own benefit, ignorance's not defined with only enough key words to hold the rest of us in bondage by their representation of the female form. I dare say that Lucy Stone would turn in her grave to know that her sacrifice and courage has been wasted on the likes of these, although surely there must have been likeness to these during her time in this place. Lucy did not waiver, she lived a deliberate life of purpose, and maybe, just maybe this is my lesson...
Walden - Chapter 2
Where I lived, and What I lived for
I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practise resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms, and, if it proved to be mean, why then to get the whole and genuine meanness of it, and publish its meanness to the world; or if it were sublime, to know it by experience, and be able to give a true account of it in my next excursion.
Henry David Thoreau - 1854
And I digressed in a manner that I did not intend. Originally this post was to be a parody of tax day and a few pics of vintage pin ups just for the delight of it. Although I must say as much as they are visually colorful and fulfill my love of vintage art, I hadn't realized how provocative some of them were and now must rethink the use in creative endeavors... I wish you blessings and hope that you are all abundantly well today. XOXO Keke
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Two for Tuesday
Whoo Hoo, I'm awake, I really get to pull off 'Two for Tuesday', which is my way of making up for missing one to many 'Something Good Mondays and the Joy Factor'. Actually, it may be a record, I've been awake for an hour and a half and I'm not starting to nod yet.... A little problem for me that has came up of late...I can be sitting up, talking on the phone, eating, [which AH seems to think is really funny], etc...and I will just nod off. What is that all about? Before this time period it would happen to me randomly but not often over the last six months, it has grown to be a daily problem...Sometimes it really freaks me out, sometimes it feels like what people describe a coma to feel like...sometimes I will just get up and move, no matter how tired I feel I will just stay on my feet, I haven't nodded off standing up yet...LOL! In any case, I'm awake and I've been stopping by saying thank you to all of you and as always am blessed and inspired by the visits...Dawn at 'The Feathered Nest' is an amazing and generous artist, [our favorite kind]. If you haven't stopped by, your in for a treat!
When I was visiting I ran across a button that lead to free images and another amazing giving artist [ http://tammytutterow.com/ ], where I found the image above and thought, "Hey, that could be Mitzi and Me".
And do you remember in December when I shared with you an amazing specialty online bakers supply shop called 'Fancy Flours'?
When I was visiting I ran across a button that lead to free images and another amazing giving artist [ http://tammytutterow.com/ ], where I found the image above and thought, "Hey, that could be Mitzi and Me".
And do you remember in December when I shared with you an amazing specialty online bakers supply shop called 'Fancy Flours'?
Just look at those amazing cookies, remember me telling you that Mitzi and I discovered edible glitter for the wedding cake? Well those cookies are adorned with edible printed paper, I so want to order some! According to the description you apply them to the cookies with Karo syrup. Easy peasy!
And remember my fascination with 'Wonderland'? Wouldn't you just love to have these figures for a cake? A little pricey for the unemployed but delightful just the same!
However...there are these edible images for cookies that one might afford and they are just as delightful!
Last but not least, how adorable are these cupcake toppers? We have a birthday coming up soon for baby boy... I was looking for something unusual to fit the occasion and Fancy Flours definitely has anything and everything you can't find else where.... YUM!
And remember my fascination with 'Wonderland'? Wouldn't you just love to have these figures for a cake? A little pricey for the unemployed but delightful just the same!However...there are these edible images for cookies that one might afford and they are just as delightful!Last but not least, how adorable are these cupcake toppers? We have a birthday coming up soon for baby boy... I was looking for something unusual to fit the occasion and Fancy Flours definitely has anything and everything you can't find else where.... YUM!And that wraps up 'Two for Tuesday'...I wish you sugarplum dreams...
Sleep sweet dear friends...XOXO Keke
A Working Out and Call to Honor
I hadn't intended on missing this weeks 'Something Good Monday,'again this week. It just sort of happened...so I was thinking today could be 'Two for Tuesday.'
More like 'Two Thousand for Tuesday," so many things rambling in this head of mine...I realized that I'm sleeping about 18 hours a day right now...hmmm...Mitzi did remind me not too long ago that sleep had always been my preferred method of coping...well, maybe only at certain times. There was the whole decade of the nineties that I didn't sleep a wink. I was too busy, making folk art, catering parties, teaching children...I miss those days, so much life buzzing like honeybee's. Then we could add in there 2004 through March 18, 2010. Not so much love just survival and I'm coming to realize years wasted that I will never get back. It may have started with a conversation between AH and I. Never having worked or existed in the mind numbing, dizzying world of corporate enterprise, AH had tried to warn me...I didn't listen, I only heard a challenge. The challenge was what I called, 'a six month bump', I would work as hard as I could and do what ever I needed to do to be promoted every six months as long as it wasn't illegal or immoral, to work my way to the top with my integrity in tact. AH said it wasn't possible, I argued for everything the American dream is made of...boot straps, calloused hands, hard work, ethics, integrity, grit, determination. I thought I'd found the perfect company to accomplish this challenge. It was working, every six months I had received a promotion for the first three years, until... The founder of this company lauded this philosophy at every employee assembly, the posters are hung in every building and office {business with integrity, social responsibility, respect for our people,our land etc.} ...his story is told as rags to riches, building the empire from the ground up, like a mythological creature, the largest family owned winery, started with hardship in the 70's when an eminent domain lawyer turned grape farmer couldn't sell his crop. I missed the in-between, {lawyer, eminent domain, etc.} I fell hook line and sinker for a man that had the voice of a gentleman, a kind and weathered face, the posters on the wall spoke to me in the tone of his voice, I bought the whole farm, only to find out there was no farm, lucky for me, I wasn't offered a bridge. 
Speaking of farm's, I digressed...Meet Mary Jane. Oh please promise to click on this link - [http://www.maryjanesfarm.org/] this is what my latest dreams are made of. 'You can take the girl of the farm, but you can't take the farm out of the girl,' Mitzi and I grew up on a farm, Mitzi has had many types of farms over the years, and currently is raising special little goats and selling their fur... fur? wool?, no couldn't be wool, maybe it's just called fiber? Mitzi would know the proper word...hmmm, she's in love with this, and so are the princess' from youngest to oldest...[http://www.fuzzyfiberfarm.com/home.html]
Can you see the love on Mitzi's face?
And look at my sweet little Em with the baby goat, oh she's so yummy I could bite her! Talk about all American, doesn't she look like a sweet all American girl with her pigtails and and sweet adorable smile? And she's so clever and smart, everyone should be as lucky as I.
It has a trunk, with a 12 gal water tank and a stove and a cooler and a sink!
Her site has a general store that sells a number of things that stir a far away longing in me...how much do you love this vegetable fabric?
And aprons, I love,love this apron...I think I remember the women from my child hood wearing these dressing little aprons at family events, like weddings and holidays, etc...I think we all need to start wearing aprons again, to remember a bygone era, where people were kind and generous, and practiced manners. Women were sure of their own strength, it radiated quietly, you could see it, smell it, it was palpable by their own breath. They didn't need to pretend to be strong through use of profanity that would make a sailor blush, or tantrums and threats, then cry and excuse it as their softer side when true strength was required. Yes, I'm talking about soulless...
Funny to me, we live in a world of noise and constant streaming information, it's an assault of sort. Words and phrases play through my head...baby girl and I were having a conversation yesterday about people rushing or completely skipping the things, the rituals that once marked a significant event, and with that we've lost meaning to the words, the skills to cope, our heads spin and leave a empty hole that we can never seem to fill up. From the beginning of this sojourn many people have had something to say, from my loved ones, {all of you} it has been my strength and the light on days I couldn't find my way from the darkness...from others, unsolicited advice comes in the form of rushed, assault, meaningless waste. There are those that repeat words that they have no concept of the meaning, 'integrity, ethics, victimization, move forward, move past, anger, generous...' Surprise.... ! I will move as fast or slow as it takes to walk away from this thing without an empty hole that will take the rest of my life to never fill up. I am exhausted by such people with their PHD fast food life and no concept of this process in which I speak. I will practice the rituals, I will for once do what's right for me not caring how uncomfortable it may make those who have stamped this case 'rush' with their rubber stamp, this process will be on God's time and the time he has set for me. I have ran a marathon for the last almost six years not stopping to think what was waiting at the end...which means the six years of nothingness and assault and victimization must be given a voice by me...Why? So my sisters, daughters, mothers, aunts, friends may in some small way step up to the front of the line with me, and we will shout no more. We will stand with grace and strength and lend a voice to that quiet strength that has all but mostly passed with generations that came before and we will renew for our daughters and their daughters, that words like dignity, integrity, propriety, grace and strength have meaning. So that far away, long ago memory of gentle but fierce strength will be shown representation and live on through their voices and actions, not just their memories. Tie on your aprons ladies... it's time to remind the others like soulless and her sisters, [and my lawyer] the true meaning of being a strong woman, it's time they've been taught some manners! I think we should start an apron movement.
More like 'Two Thousand for Tuesday," so many things rambling in this head of mine...I realized that I'm sleeping about 18 hours a day right now...hmmm...Mitzi did remind me not too long ago that sleep had always been my preferred method of coping...well, maybe only at certain times. There was the whole decade of the nineties that I didn't sleep a wink. I was too busy, making folk art, catering parties, teaching children...I miss those days, so much life buzzing like honeybee's. Then we could add in there 2004 through March 18, 2010. Not so much love just survival and I'm coming to realize years wasted that I will never get back. It may have started with a conversation between AH and I. Never having worked or existed in the mind numbing, dizzying world of corporate enterprise, AH had tried to warn me...I didn't listen, I only heard a challenge. The challenge was what I called, 'a six month bump', I would work as hard as I could and do what ever I needed to do to be promoted every six months as long as it wasn't illegal or immoral, to work my way to the top with my integrity in tact. AH said it wasn't possible, I argued for everything the American dream is made of...boot straps, calloused hands, hard work, ethics, integrity, grit, determination. I thought I'd found the perfect company to accomplish this challenge. It was working, every six months I had received a promotion for the first three years, until... The founder of this company lauded this philosophy at every employee assembly, the posters are hung in every building and office {business with integrity, social responsibility, respect for our people,our land etc.} ...his story is told as rags to riches, building the empire from the ground up, like a mythological creature, the largest family owned winery, started with hardship in the 70's when an eminent domain lawyer turned grape farmer couldn't sell his crop. I missed the in-between, {lawyer, eminent domain, etc.} I fell hook line and sinker for a man that had the voice of a gentleman, a kind and weathered face, the posters on the wall spoke to me in the tone of his voice, I bought the whole farm, only to find out there was no farm, lucky for me, I wasn't offered a bridge. Speaking of farm's, I digressed...Meet Mary Jane. Oh please promise to click on this link - [http://www.maryjanesfarm.org/] this is what my latest dreams are made of. 'You can take the girl of the farm, but you can't take the farm out of the girl,' Mitzi and I grew up on a farm, Mitzi has had many types of farms over the years, and currently is raising special little goats and selling their fur... fur? wool?, no couldn't be wool, maybe it's just called fiber? Mitzi would know the proper word...hmmm, she's in love with this, and so are the princess' from youngest to oldest...[http://www.fuzzyfiberfarm.com/home.html]Can you see the love on Mitzi's face?And look at my sweet little Em with the baby goat, oh she's so yummy I could bite her! Talk about all American, doesn't she look like a sweet all American girl with her pigtails and and sweet adorable smile? And she's so clever and smart, everyone should be as lucky as I. They even take them in the hometown parades.... but again I've digressed...
Mary Jane is selling this little trailer on her farm girl site...since I'm experiencing fight or flight...LOL I thought it might not be a bad idea to have one of these on the back burner! Good thing it's not sitting beside my little red car right now, I'd already be gone...
It has a trunk, with a 12 gal water tank and a stove and a cooler and a sink!Her site has a general store that sells a number of things that stir a far away longing in me...how much do you love this vegetable fabric?And aprons, I love,love this apron...I think I remember the women from my child hood wearing these dressing little aprons at family events, like weddings and holidays, etc...I think we all need to start wearing aprons again, to remember a bygone era, where people were kind and generous, and practiced manners. Women were sure of their own strength, it radiated quietly, you could see it, smell it, it was palpable by their own breath. They didn't need to pretend to be strong through use of profanity that would make a sailor blush, or tantrums and threats, then cry and excuse it as their softer side when true strength was required. Yes, I'm talking about soulless... Funny to me, we live in a world of noise and constant streaming information, it's an assault of sort. Words and phrases play through my head...baby girl and I were having a conversation yesterday about people rushing or completely skipping the things, the rituals that once marked a significant event, and with that we've lost meaning to the words, the skills to cope, our heads spin and leave a empty hole that we can never seem to fill up. From the beginning of this sojourn many people have had something to say, from my loved ones, {all of you} it has been my strength and the light on days I couldn't find my way from the darkness...from others, unsolicited advice comes in the form of rushed, assault, meaningless waste. There are those that repeat words that they have no concept of the meaning, 'integrity, ethics, victimization, move forward, move past, anger, generous...' Surprise.... ! I will move as fast or slow as it takes to walk away from this thing without an empty hole that will take the rest of my life to never fill up. I am exhausted by such people with their PHD fast food life and no concept of this process in which I speak. I will practice the rituals, I will for once do what's right for me not caring how uncomfortable it may make those who have stamped this case 'rush' with their rubber stamp, this process will be on God's time and the time he has set for me. I have ran a marathon for the last almost six years not stopping to think what was waiting at the end...which means the six years of nothingness and assault and victimization must be given a voice by me...Why? So my sisters, daughters, mothers, aunts, friends may in some small way step up to the front of the line with me, and we will shout no more. We will stand with grace and strength and lend a voice to that quiet strength that has all but mostly passed with generations that came before and we will renew for our daughters and their daughters, that words like dignity, integrity, propriety, grace and strength have meaning. So that far away, long ago memory of gentle but fierce strength will be shown representation and live on through their voices and actions, not just their memories. Tie on your aprons ladies... it's time to remind the others like soulless and her sisters, [and my lawyer] the true meaning of being a strong woman, it's time they've been taught some manners! I think we should start an apron movement.XOXO Keke
P.S... Said people can stop lecturing me on confidentiality, another word they don't know the meaning of...and I plan on shouting the truth from every roof top. It's a little late to ask me to play your game, PC is no longer in my vocabulary, only truth and justice.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Tatterdemalion
I am trying to hear the music again...Trying to find my land legs...
Trying to find Joy.
JOY
1 a : the emotion evoked by well-being,success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires : delight
b : the expression or exhibition of such emotion : gaiety
2 : a state of happiness or felicity : bliss
3 : a source or cause of delight
1 a : the emotion evoked by well-being,success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires : delight
b : the expression or exhibition of such emotion : gaiety
2 : a state of happiness or felicity : bliss
3 : a source or cause of delight
This has been a time like no other in my life. Most of us, having reached a certain maturity can claim to have experienced most everything one can imagine, or at least it sometimes feels that way. I think that old cliche' could come into play, just when you think you've seen everything...
I have to say that still, I am quite surprised at this turn in the road my life has taken. It truly is 'the best of times, the worst of times...' Before I digress further, I want to say thank you to all of you and all the ways that you have shown your love and support. This ugly situation can literally make me feel like I've lost my mind, and just about the time I'm ready to believe it's certifiable, one of you come along with a kindness or a word of encouragement and it's powerful, and I am humbled and grateful for your love. I know I've been MIA for a while, mostly I've been sleeping, literally, I will be up for an hour or maybe two if things are well and then this uncontrollable feeling to lay down before I fall down will come over me. I have to say this is disconcerting to me... I feel as if I'm living out a nightmare and praying for it to end...but yesterday afternoon something happened that shook me awake and I'm determined to stay on my feet today. I have much to catch you up on, and I will... but for now, I'm going to leave this as I started, my heart bursting with humbled gratitude for all of you. Thank you. Thank you. All my love. XOXO Keke
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Lost Somewhere...What do I do now?
The Guest House The human being is a guest house
Every morning there is a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness
Some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor
Welcome and entertain them all
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house and empty it from its furniture still, treat each guest honourably.
He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
Jelaluddin Balkhi Runi (1207- 1248)
I never used to think my identity was centered around my work. Yes there were the fights AH and I would have when I spent to much time working or took calls from soulless during the evening, weekends, vacation days...and then there was the long weekend I took to fly to Mitzi for one of her princess' weddings and I spent the whole weekend other than the wedding in her motor home in the yard hooked up to work... then I told myself I had to, soulless really did require all of this, I would argue that I needed my job, and this is what she clearly communicated was expected. It wasn't until I got sick and she had passed on me for a new version of me that I realized that this was all just wasted time. How did I lose my balance? Why didn't I just say no...round and round we go...because I needed my job. I need my job more than ever now, or I should say I need my paycheck and the health insurance...But the struggle and the cruelty became too great, I could feel me slipping back into the same state I was in the Winter of '09. AH has a theory that once this is over that I won't need health insurance, at least not for the Dystonia...he believes I'll go into remission...I'm hoping and praying he's right, but now what? I was online this morning looking for employment, I thought of sending my resume in for a position in the same industry... Fear...will it bring more of the same?
I'm almost 45. I feel too old to ask myself what I want to be when I grow up...and then again I argue that point with myself. AH told me yesterday that I need to breathe and relax. This thing isn't even over yet.
I have never been a person that could let grass grow under my feet. It's all really too much...I hear the awful news stories of people who have not found employment for two years... baby girl and AH are still job seekers. They both put in more applications yesterday... I like to pretend in my mind that maybe it's possible for me to start and make a living on my own business. Maybe there really is a market for Art here...but it's too scary. Owning your own business is always feast or famine, unless your one of the lucky few who survive the first five years. I long for stability at this age...but after this last two years I also long for freedom from the demons of the corporate world. So the question is now, 'What am I going to do?' I know there are others that brave this situation with courage and have come out on top...Lord I pray let this be me... I try to tell my self that all of this is in God's hands now...and I do believe it, so why all of this fear and doubt and emotion?
As always, thank you for your kind words, I really don't know what I would do with out all of you and your voices of reason and sanity...
XOXO Keke
Monday, March 22, 2010
Something Good Monday and the 'Joy' Factor
Monday, Monday...So, here I am...I have to say it's a very strange feeling to know that I will not be rushing this morning to get my neck as straight as I possibly can to rush to madhatter time...I'm experiencing an overwhelming amount of emotions this morning...to know that soulless is addressing my staff this morning, a staff that I had poured my heart and soul into brings overwhelming sadness...and fear...and anger... What will she say to them? I can only imagine, and then she'll go into one of her dramatic acts, I can hear the words coming out of her mouth...I've been present too many times for one of these events...she will sigh, and look distraught and she will tell everyone how victimized she is from my actions, and undoubtedly that I just walked and left the company in a very critical position at a very critical time...and then she will say 'but we'll get through this' and what she really means is she'll make my staff work as much overtime as she can and she will will harass them every five minutes until they lose their mind because she doesn't give them a moment to breathe or get their work done, as she continues to live her life uninterrupted...I want them to know that I was fighting for them, for us, this wasn't just about me. It was about how we were all treated on a daily basis by soulless...they won't know any of this. This whole process was supposed to be held in confidence. I held up my end, soulless did not hold up hers, of course.... So all they will know is whatever soulless tells them and the fact that I'm not there and will not be returning. All being said, it also brings the emotions of relief and even 'joy' the possibilities of new beginnings. Change is scary, but it was more frightening to me to see where my health would be even a month from now. I truly was getting sicker with each day that passed. I have some cleaning up to do, wipe the cobwebs and visions of the corruption out of my head, and hopefully I will be able to sweep up the broken remnants and polish the tarnish of this experience from heart and soul.
The HR person had asked for me to call her this morning in the voicemail she left me on Friday...she wants to meet with me possibly tomorrow morning to figure out what 'we' need to do...she also would like to give me the opportunity to discuss with her anything I feel the 'independent advisor' may have over looked... Ummmm.... 'NO' I have repeatedly given documents and proof...I'm done speaking and providing. In the last 31/2 months I have spent approximately 20 hrs. of my life that I will never get back in their 'interviews' and so much more in research and providing documents of corruption...no more. Is the pen mightier than the sword? I hope so...As I told them on Friday, it was nice for their 'employer lawyer' to massage and caress this investigation to reflect a no harm done outcome, as they are both trying to tell me they really know nothing of her that she was hired because someone had recommended her...more lies and games, and as I've said, it's so offensive for them to patronize me in this way as if I wouldn't possibly have the intelligence to figure it out...
So what's something good today? I can still stand, I will stand and best of all I can breath again. I have all of you cheering me, I have a lot of work to do but with love and encouragement I know that I am luckier than most. Thank you as always falls short, you all will never know how much your love, prayers and encouragement mean to me...In fact, with the love of my family and all of you and the grace that God has given me I give credit that I stand. I hope that you find your joy factor today...Be blessed and well.
XOXO Keke
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Humpty Dumpty by Edgar Allan Poe
I hope you enjoy this dramatic reading, a little twisted but it made me smile. XO Keke
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